Spinster Security

Remember all the things I was promised would happen in my apartment before I moved in? The list involved things like replacing the blinds in the front room, replacing the lights in the bathroom, cleaning the stove, and replacing the burner cover thingys, and cleaning the carpets (again). Well, if you don't remember, the only task off this list that was accomplished prior to my move-in date was the matter of the carpets. They were sure clean. Otherwise, I was on my own. Somebody left a package of blinds, but other than that, I had to go out into the world myself and find all replacement materials--lights, burner cover thingys. I wasn't surprised, really. And, it's not like I can't put up blinds or fix the lights in the bathroom.

Well, this past week, amidst the craziness of the early semester mayhem, the maintenence man who lives on-site knocked on my door. His name is Bob. He is paid to work part time on the property, handling maintenece for over thirty apartments, as well as the grounds. So, I have a good amount of sympathy for Bob, and not a whole lot of sympathy for the management company that seems to think having a part time maintenence guy is sufficent for my apartment complex. Anyway, Bob knocked on my door, asking about the laundry list of things that were supposed to be done in the apartment before I moved in.

I moved in four weeks ago. And, though I understand the wheels of beaurocracy move slowly, am I really expected to wait four weeks to fix the lights in my bathroom, to replace the burner cover thingys on my stove, and to put up new blinds. I told Bob that I had indeed taken care of all of these things. He gave me this once-over, a surprised look on his face, and I had to bite back a remark (you know, something to the effect of, "Just because you keep your brains inbetween your legs, and since I don't have that oh-so-handy storage unit for my brains, does not mean I don't have brains. Moron." No, I was polite. I figured I could shock him by telling him things like how I can use a circular saw, a drill, and I even know how to arc weld. But I didn't want Bob feeling any more inferior than he already did.

Then Bob informed me that they're replacing all the locks on all the front doors in the apartment complex. So, we set up a time for him to come by and replace the deadbolt on my front door. Now, keep in mind, my apartment has a back door as well. Are we replacing that deadbolt? Oh, no. Why ever would that make any sense. Again, I'm being good and keeping my mouth shut. So, Bob was supposed to come by on Friday morning. He showed up Sunday afternoon.

All the time he's installing this new deadbolt--and there was a considerable amount of time put into installing this fancy new deadbolt--he's telling me about how great this new deadbolt is, how expensive it is, how you can't get the keys duplicated, and how NOBODY's coming through my front door once this thing is installed. Hmmmm. No, why would anybody try breaking in through my front door? They can use the back door that doesn't have this fancy new deadbolt. Or, better yet, they can climb in through the crappy windows that are only about 2 1/2 feet off the ground. Yes, I feel so much safer knowing my front door has this fancy new deadbolt that has a key that can't be duplicated so when I lose it I'll forever have to enter and exit my apartment through the backdoor (or the aforementioned windows). Yes, this is such a great idea.

Well, Bob leaves, having completed his task, and the first thing I do is to check that the deadbolt indeed works. It doesn't. It seems my key has to be in the lock for the deadbolt to turn. However, the deadbolt doesn't remain locked (in other words, I can't pull out the key once I've locked the door). Hmmm. This seems to defeat the purpose, no? So now I have a new deadbolt that doesn't work as opposed to the old one that did.

Anyway, I chased down Bob. Convinced him that, though I'm a woman missing the proper equipment that regularly stores your brains, the new lock was not working properly. I dragged him back to the apartment, and I had to physically show him that the deadbolt was indeed not working. He left to consult the almighty directions included with the new deadbolt (which he had not looked at before, heaven fobid!). Needless to say, I finally have a deadbolt that works. It only took several days, and three visits from Bob.

Spinster School Teacher Strikes Again

Well, yesterday was the first day of classes. Will I have munchkins or muggles? Only time will tell. The day went pretty smoothly, considering last year at this time I was freaked completely out of my head and so nervous I was probably visibly shaking. One thing did surprise me yesterday, however. I had several students, all of whom I worked with last year throughout both productions in the theatre department, come by to say hi, to chat, and to even exchange hugs. It was really nice to feel so welcomed back. I'm not sure I've ever worked in a place where I've felt so welcome.

Anyway, lots of things are happening. We're implementing big changes in the department's production schedule and structure. Jack, who usually directs the shows here, is on sabbatical (does that mean he's at home, or off somewhere exotic? . . . No, he's actually here, and I bet he'll be here almost everyday, even though he's not teaching any classes. Well, let's face it, the department wouldn't run nearly as smoothly without him), so, since Jack isn't teaching, Sabine is directing (the other new professor from last year). This is exciting. And the big thing right now is that we're having mega auditions for the show (we're doing The Importance of Being Earnest). In the meantime, the fledgling Student Theatre Association, the new student organized and run theatre club, is also having auditions for their first ever production. This is also very exciting, since I think it's great that these kids can have the chance to organize their own performances. I even suggested that they think about running Monologue nights or Improv nights. Sigh. I'm getting all nostalgic over the Cooper Dramatic Society.

Anyway, we're having a big theatre meeting with all the majors and minors, and anybody else we can rope into coming, on Monday, where we'll be announcing our big changes. It's going to be interesting to say the least. I hope the kids are going to be as excited as the professors. Only time will tell.

Spinster Meltdown

I didn't know I lived in the tropics. Where are the cabana boys bearing fruity drinks with tiny umbrellas?

Oh, wait--I'm just delirious from all the heat and humidity. Everything in my apartment is covered with a thin sheen of moisture. All my clothes and bedding feel damp. And, one of my refridgerator magnets--it's about the size of a business card and I got it from the vet--is actually curling up at the edges.

Despite this, I have managed to make curtains, unpack most of my boxes, and hang pictures. Life is good. It's hot, but it's good.

I went to see The Brothers Grimm last week. I found out it was directed by Terry Gilliam, and I felt a need to see it. Besides, the movie theater is air conditioned. Though not quite as bizarre as Time Bandits or Baron Munchausen, Grimm certainly had its moments, like moving trees that eat people, and a grandmother toad that gets it on with Matt Damon (errr, sort of). The movie offers a little over two hours worth of entertainment, and I didn't once look at my watch. So, overall, I'd give it a thumbs up, but I'd say it's only worth the price of a matinee.

Last night was a bit of an adventure as well. I went to hang out with Adriel and her two girlfriends, all people I met at Chris' surprise birthday party. Why? you ask. Well, what else am I going to do? And, besides, though I'm not sure I have much in common with them, they're nice. And sometimes, it's good to have an evening with a bunch of girls to commiserate over the state of the world, shopping, and certain aspects of our respective families, all while eating good food and watching sappy movies.

I had a good time, though I'm still not sure what my place is in this group, if I even really have a place in this group of women. Which is not to say that Adriel hasn't made me feel amazingly welcome, or that her two friends haven't been very sweet. It' s just that they spent a large part of the evening planning on how to conceal their alcohol when they went to the Blandford Fair this weekend. Or, how they don't like getting high before driving home because they're terrified a cop will pull them over. Or, how intimidating Home Depot is when you're high. Ummmm . . . . yeah. Since I've never been to the Blandford Fair, I don't know if one needs to be smashed in order to enjoy it, so I really can't say whether this is a good plan or not. And, since driving while under the influence of anything aside from caffeine is a bad idea, I guess I can't fault the logical fear of being pulled over while high or intoxicated. As for going to Home Depot, high or not, that place can be overwhelming, especially when busy.

So, where does that leave me in the grand scheme of things? I suppose I get to fill the role of crime fighting vixen masquerading as sober, detached, spinster English professor. I'm good at playing that role. In the meantime, I'll care for a certain pointy-footed little black dog who likes to bark at my neighbors: roommates Mitsy and Ditzy to my right, and pot-smoking Mr. Weed to my left.

Good dog.